you dont know what you got till its gone

that saying is so true. im realizing that lately as summer has come and college station is empty. granted, those of you who are still in good ole cs, im very grateful yall are here and love hanging out with you guys. and in general i like less people around bc its less obligations to hang out...less choices that have to be made about who to hang out with etc. however there are those people who i just got used to seeing every day....who became my 4th and 5th roommates...people like alison and patin and the list goes on...you eventually realize that hmm...i wont be seeing them for a while and thats kinda sad. not to pick favorites or anything but two people i especially miss are christian and eileen. eileen because she is my greatest encouragement and christian bc she was my roomie and i got to play with her all the time. and i talk as though theyre dead...theyre definitely not...just not close. but ya know...thats life...people come and go and you adjust. and i will, but im just going to go ahead and miss them for a sec...

that brings me to another epiphany...ive realized that i should never try a long distance relationship bc i can predict right now that it would fail. and it would be completely and legitimately my fault. but also realizing this has prompted me to consciously improve this area of my life. im not a caller or goer. if people didnt call me or come to my house...i would probably have no friends. now im excellent at calling people back or going somewhere if invited and persuaded. however, im not usually the initiater. and yes, im lazy. jojo and i realized why we didnt see each other all of last semester. we're the same...we let the people come to us. i wouldnt go to his house, nor would he come to mine. i could get in my car, drive to his house, and literally be there in less than 60 seconds. but no, we wouldnt do it - therefore, we never saw each other. ive had some of my closest friends move outta state...like best friends...and i talk to them maybe once every two months. and its always...always so good when i talk to them and we both promise that we'll be better at it and call more yada yada..but that never happens. but no more! this is the beginning of a new me. a 'make an effort to keep my friendships alive' me. i will go to your house, i will call you first. i called two 'long distance friends' today and emailed another! thats huge! maybe im in a way, preparing myself for when i leave college station and am perhaps living by myself. its going to take a lot more effot then - yeah, this is like training. wish me luck!!