time to move on

so last nite i had a small epiphany at heb. i was working one of my normal 'till 3 in the morning' shifts and it occurred to me that im done with heb. unfortunately i couldnt throw in the towel and actually quit, but i would have if i could. granted, there have been many many times while working at heb that i havent wanted to be there, that ive had what i think to be the stupidest customer, or gotten frustated with my manager to an extreme point of wanting to quit. but last nite was different. last nite it started to hit me that in general im one of the oldest people in the store...that includes people working there and shopping there. im a college graduate..i have a degree and im in a 'college job.' and thats really sad. seniority means nothing to heb. working there 6 days is about as significant as 6 days, minus the pay difference. but as far as how much you mean to the company..about the same. you can have worked there for 10 years and one day say, i quit, and theyd probably just wave goodbye and say, see ya. theres no incentive to work there...you dont really serve a purpose. youre replaceable in a second...by someone with no formal education or work experience. theres no challenge, no thinking involved, no complex or even intermediate thought processes involved. just be able to remember a couple 4 digit produce codes and youre set.

i think i allowed myself to be so comfortable at my job bc its easy. bc for all of the reasons listed above that make it pathetic, it also makes it easy. who wouldnt want an easy job that pays really well? well, i guess if i was okay with answering every third person i came across that yes, i had graduated and was still working there, then it would be a decent setup. but im tired of that question. procrastination has gotten the best of me once again. im still here to start with bc i was in denial about graduating for so long and didnt make a single ounce of effort to do anything related to a job search prior to graduating. i thought i was a bad procrastinator in school...im even worse in life and that has bigger consequences. im tired of working at heb. im tired of getting shifts that dont end till 3 AM and not being able to say one thing about it. its time to move on...

on a lighter note, i am glad im still here for one reason and that would be youth impact. youth impact has definitely become a part of my life and it at least serves a purpose which counterbalances the lack of purpose i feel i serve at heb. we lost a huge number of leaders last semester with people graduating and other reasons. but the Lord always provides and did just that by bringing us almost 50 new leaders!! this semester is going to be really great..i think all the age groups are going to undergo some changes, but it will be really exciting to see what happens. this is the one thing thats going to be really hard to let go of when i leave. not only bc of the ministry itself and all that Ive had the privilege of seeing happen in kids and leaders, but little littles is like my family. from old school leaders to leaders now, some and most of my closest friends are in mission, and more specifically little littles. i love my friends and i wish we could all grow up together and move somewhere..but thats just not practical, i know. so all you people reading this, most of which are in mission, know that despite hating heb and being here working there, i love yall as my friends and am glad yall are here...you make it worth the stay.