been doin some thinkin...

been thinkin about a lot of stuff lately...maybe a little too much even - overanalyzing if you will. one topic thats kept my mind busy lately is that age old question of, 'what are you doing with your life?' it was expected yet still got old when i was approaching graduation and everyone asked...it was depressing once i had graduated and still didnt have an answer...and its annoying now that im out in the 'real world' and feel more lost than ever. what i think could be spurring on my frustration is the fact that my 'real world' experience is less than satisfying or fullfilling. more specifically my job has slowly climbed the ladder of unsatisfaction and hit what i would describe as the peak a week ago or so. enough that i almost put in my two weeks notice last week...twice. but...for some reason, i ended up not going thru with it. why, im not quite sure but then i had all weekend to think about it. and up until that point the battle in my head had been as follows: a) just put in the two weeks notice, be spontaneous, go out on a limb, take a leap of faith, trust that the Lord will provide something etc. or b) be responsible, keep looking for a new job and dont quit w/o having another job first. so yeah, choice 'a' seems more fun..kinda..and definitely would make me trust the Lord a lot however there's a difference b/w trusting the Lord and His plan for your life and making irresponsible decisions and using the 'trusting the Lord' card as a cop out excuse.

so with that said...after a lot of thinking, praying, discussing with others, i feel like the Lord gave me a peace about the situation without having to clearly map out what my life was going to look like for the next 'x' amount of days. first off...i was focusing wayyy to much on the negative and inviting everyone to my pity party which no one wanted to come to. understandably so though...pity parties bite - who wants to go to one of those? but yeah...all this woe is me crap and my job sucks and blah blah blah...complaining never gets you anywhere. second, and way more importantly...God is sovereign which is a fancy Christian word that i would more simply explain as, God knows what He's doing...all the time...and His timing is perfect. He knows that my job is far from glorious and I'm pretty sure that He knows I'm way more capable of a few hours of work per day and that I could be used in such better and effective ways somewhere else. But for some reason, this is the job He has called me to right now and there's a reason for that and it's my responsibility to make the most of it and not dwell on the negative b/c that's only going to make things a LOT worse.

so does that mean that I'm just going to kick back and wait for a great new job to present itself to me on a silver platter? um, no. the world doesn't work that way. however, I do trust that something better is coming my way, I honestly do. But it's also my responsibility to be listening for opportunities, seeking them out, and acting on them when presented to me and not overanalzying whether or not it's 'part of God's will.' now, don't get me wrong...im not saying to not pray about things and to just jump at the first thing that comes your way. i do however think that sometimes Christians get into this mindset of worrying soo hard of whether or not something is 'part of God's will' that the opportunity passes by and something potentially great is missed.

oh, and about the pic above. graffiti always intrigues me when i see it bc you never really know where it came from; who was the author or illustrator behind it. sometimes it's artistic..sometimes it's derogatory..sometimes it's inspiring. i run at town lake a lot and pass by this a lot and it wasnt until recently that i stopped to think about it. and the way people read it is the same...but the way it means to that person can be different. for me though...this moment IS reality. the life we're living, we're living today. we cant change the past and we arent promised a future. God knows our lives better than anyone else, even ourselves. He knows our past, our present, and even our future. Trust Him. Stop worrying so much about yesterday or tomorrow - what you do with today is what counts.