thoughts from a pondering asian

being unemployed has been...different. there's the obvious good things - sleeping in, watching ellen, doing basically whatever i want, not having to report to "the man." there's the bad things - no one is free to play bc..well..they have jobs, no money comin in, being in close proximity to the fridge more than usual, becoming lazy, wondering why no one wants to hire me.

along with unemployment comes thinking. i think on a normal basis however i feel like ive pondered a bit more lately. this photo gig has been great - im runnin all over town, seeing things i never knew existed, seeing things i will definitely not recommend to anyone, seeing things i might revisit later. but it's a one person job so there's a lot of time to think as im walking and driving around for hours...

as a christian, i think it's pretty common to realize how much you need and depend on God in the hard times. kinda like the saying, 'you don't know whatcha got till it's gone.' but instead it's like, 'you don't realize what you got until it's the only thing left.' but in this whole mess/blessing/situation of not having a job, what's hit me is not how much i need God now but moreso how much i don't depend on Him ALL the rest of the time. and maybe that's one in the same but i think we often focus on the former.

right now the church i attend is going thru a 4 week series about what the church is, how that involves its members, what the vision should look like etc. and im not talking about the church so much as a physical entity, but as a spiritual body of believers. and with that, they have created some take home devotionals to go thru during the week if you wanna. this first week has focused on worship. and i know that for myself, if you were to have a word association game and said worship, i would probably respond with "praise and," "singing," "christian songs," etc... and not that it isn't these things but really it's so much more. worship is the automatic outpouring of our love and affection for whatever we are passionate about, what we long for, what gets us excited. worship isn't just sunday mornings and sunday nites with guitars and a sound system. the devo says how whether it's being in traffic and worshipping the idea of being at home or standing in kyle field yelling for the aggies, it's worship. (ok the devo didnt specifically cite the ags but it should have). but anyways, what im getting at, and i really do have a point, is that when i think of 'worship' i don't want it to be a churchy word. bc it's an everyday, all the time thing. it looks different for every person but in the end, it's who we are, what we're passionate about, what gets us excited. so...what does your worship look like?

think on that. those are my pondering thoughts. enjoy them...they don't get published often. and since it's one in the morning, i take full responsibility for any rambling, run-on sentences, and incoherent babbling.