what do you get when you take a little girl from korea, adopt her at 5 months, and raise her in a white family? me. here are my profound thoughts. enjoy them.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
random thoughts
im only writing bc i feel guilty for not in a while. a lot has happened i think, but nothing extremely significant or anything like finding my goal in life and a job that corresponds, or a mate. yeah, nothing like that. so bear with me while my mind jumps around in circles.
-i supposedly have a love language. my roomie eileen is a big advocate of finding ones love language and i havent figured out mine yet. theres even a book..not like a self-help book..well, kinda. for those of you who are not familiar...ones love language is how you best receive love from other people and how best you give it. your options are: quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. yeah, so when i figure out mine, ill let yall know. it requires reading and well sometimes i suddenly find myself illiterate when a book is in front of me.
-still dont have a job and still havent started looking for one. t minus 2 and a half months...-went to htown and visited my best friend jen and her husband matt. theyve been married two years already!! she caught me up on all of the people we hung out with from church...80% of which are either engaged, married, or have a baby on the way. crazy. makes me feel like im behind in the game sometimes, but then i remember that im not ready to get married..nope.
-picked up some new kids at j loop for mission today...two twin boys named jacob..and esau...yeah, thats right.
-we had a surprise bday party for alison tonite! lots of surprising, good food, and an extended game of catch phrase. you always learn so much..and so much about people when you play games. especially ones that require you to blurt out things without thinking first bc you are stressed out by an accelerating ticking noise. like for instance, we learned that moses walked on water, forget jesus...someone thinks i need a haircut...you wear earmuffs to listen to music...jeckyl and hyde were a boy/girl duo who set out to kill people...oh, and matt's a passer.
-i got my roommates and a particular boy who will go unnamed to protect his dignity addicted to felicity. its a terrific show and now they love it too. whats dangerous is that we found someone with season two!
-hardest thing to do at heb - change the numbers on the gas station canopy...just trust me. i nearly died.
this weekend was great. i was in austin for the ACL music fest, or for Austin City Limits in case you're not familiar. what an amazing, hot weekend. i had no intentions of losing 5 pounds while i was there, but i guess eating an average of one meal a day, walking everywhere, and sweating profusely for about 6 hours straight for 3 days in a row will do that for ya. so yeah, it was stinking hot, but the music was so great it was worth every drop of sweat.
so the music. the lineup this year was spectacular and the crowds proved it. i think there was something like an average of like 75,000 people each day....so much more crowded than last year. so just to make you jealous, here are the bands/artists i had the privilege of hearing: bob schneider, marc broussard, patty griffin, ryan adams, sheryl crow, big head todd, howie day, modest mouse, dashboard, the roots, jack johnson, wilco, and ben harper. there are some others i wouldnt have minded hearing as well, but sometimes it just wasnt worth fighting the crowds to get there. some of my favorites were ryan adams, the roots, and sheryl crow. the best performance of the weekend though: ben harper no doubt. he gave an outstanding performance bringing the concert weekend to a satisfying end.
half of the fun is being able to enjoy the music with friends who appreciate music as much, if not more than you do. and with 75,000 people youre bound to run into random people that you know, and thats always fun too. being from austin, i ran into friends i hadnt seen in 5 years - it was great. needless to say, it was a long weekend and i dont think ive ever slept as good as i did on friday, sat, and sunday nite. i had no shame in waking up at 2 in the afternoon on monday.
another highlight of the weekend was being in austin in general. it affirmed my decision to live there when i get outta this pokey town of college station. i just love austin. i love the music, the people, downtown...the vibe in austin is just good and i cant wait to go back. im ready.
so, it was a great weekend. now its back to reality in cs and the infamous job search...
so last nite i had a small epiphany at heb. i was working one of my normal 'till 3 in the morning' shifts and it occurred to me that im done with heb. unfortunately i couldnt throw in the towel and actually quit, but i would have if i could. granted, there have been many many times while working at heb that i havent wanted to be there, that ive had what i think to be the stupidest customer, or gotten frustated with my manager to an extreme point of wanting to quit. but last nite was different. last nite it started to hit me that in general im one of the oldest people in the store...that includes people working there and shopping there. im a college graduate..i have a degree and im in a 'college job.' and thats really sad. seniority means nothing to heb. working there 6 days is about as significant as 6 days, minus the pay difference. but as far as how much you mean to the company..about the same. you can have worked there for 10 years and one day say, i quit, and theyd probably just wave goodbye and say, see ya. theres no incentive to work there...you dont really serve a purpose. youre replaceable in a second...by someone with no formal education or work experience. theres no challenge, no thinking involved, no complex or even intermediate thought processes involved. just be able to remember a couple 4 digit produce codes and youre set.
i think i allowed myself to be so comfortable at my job bc its easy. bc for all of the reasons listed above that make it pathetic, it also makes it easy. who wouldnt want an easy job that pays really well? well, i guess if i was okay with answering every third person i came across that yes, i had graduated and was still working there, then it would be a decent setup. but im tired of that question. procrastination has gotten the best of me once again. im still here to start with bc i was in denial about graduating for so long and didnt make a single ounce of effort to do anything related to a job search prior to graduating. i thought i was a bad procrastinator in school...im even worse in life and that has bigger consequences. im tired of working at heb. im tired of getting shifts that dont end till 3 AM and not being able to say one thing about it. its time to move on...
on a lighter note, i am glad im still here for one reason and that would be youth impact. youth impact has definitely become a part of my life and it at least serves a purpose which counterbalances the lack of purpose i feel i serve at heb. we lost a huge number of leaders last semester with people graduating and other reasons. but the Lord always provides and did just that by bringing us almost 50 new leaders!! this semester is going to be really great..i think all the age groups are going to undergo some changes, but it will be really exciting to see what happens. this is the one thing thats going to be really hard to let go of when i leave. not only bc of the ministry itself and all that Ive had the privilege of seeing happen in kids and leaders, but little littles is like my family. from old school leaders to leaders now, some and most of my closest friends are in mission, and more specifically little littles. i love my friends and i wish we could all grow up together and move somewhere..but thats just not practical, i know. so all you people reading this, most of which are in mission, know that despite hating heb and being here working there, i love yall as my friends and am glad yall are here...you make it worth the stay.
i dont really have any actual love/hate relationships that i can think of...but lately i have found that i either 'love' stuff or 'hate' it. of course, my dramatic nature might have a little something to do with that, but whatever. so this entry is dedicated to things i hate..and things i love. and granted, this is not a list in its entirety bc that would just be impossible to do, but here are a select few things that are currently on my mind i guess.i LOVE tennis..im not very good at all yet i still really enjoy it for some reason. i think its the one good hit out of every like 20 that somehow motivates me to keep playing just anticipating my next good hit. i played tonite and it was sooo much fun. i LOVE getting five hundred dollar checks made out to me...i HATE having to pay a five hundred dollar deposit when i move into a house though. i HATE having to pay car insurance in the twice-a-year increment...that equals somewhere around 500 bucks...bye bye $500 check. i LOVE pasta...all shapes, forms, etc. i probably eat pasta 7-10 times a week. high carbs? who cares. i LOVE carbs. i HATE mint, pepper, pickles, and miracle whip. i HATE drive thru bank lines. i inevitably always get in the non-moving line while i watch cars that got there after me..leave way before me. i lose my patience at a really fast rate in a bank line. i LOVE allen iverson. i HATE working the 3-1130AM shift at heb. there isnt one good thing about it..not one. i LOVE the ellen degeneres show...dont even bother me from 3-4pm bc if im at home im watching ellen. dont knock it till you try it...ive gotten a lot of people hooked. i LOVE water...always had a strong fascination with pools, lakes, oceans...maybe bc i was deprived as a child and my parents didnt get me swimming lessons till i was like 12. still not a great swimmer, but i LOVE water. i LOVE ranch dressing. i HATE it when people talk during movies and predict what they think is going to happen..outloud. one, because its just kinda annoying. two, theyre usually wrong. three, because if they happen to be right then if i havent thought of it..well, youve just ruined the movie for me. i LOVE the wonder years, the cosby show, saved by the bell, and full house. i HATE that squeaking noise your shoes make when theyre wet and they hit the floor...like on a bus or any other hard surface...gives me the chills like when someone scratches their nails on a chalkboard. i LOVE chapstick and dont go anywhere without it. well im tired and need some sleep. maybe ill have a vol. 2 sometime, but for now...this is all i leave you. hopefully you know me a little bit better now...
