its 3 AM, i must be lonely..

well im not really lonely...but speaking of 3AM...thats a normal time to be sleeping, right? well, not for me. i had the pleasure of working at heb from 3-1130AM yesterday and i hope that i never have to relive that experience again. first of all..trying to sleep ahead was about impossible. i luckily got real tired around 10pm so i tried to sleep then but of course couldnt. then alison and josh came over with their new PUPPY! so of course any chance of sleeping is thrown out then. so we play with Cali, the new pitbull puppy and then everyone leaves around 1am. so i try to sleep and am actually able to...for a good hour and a half before i start my wonderful shift. people kept asking what i was going to do and i had no idea bc ive never really had the overnite shift. well, lemme tell you, it was a blast. first of all i could barely keep my eyes open and had to do monotonous jobs like clean or returns and such. the 'highlight' was around 4AM when i was asked to go outside and push in baskets. i kinda thought i was going to die...4am...criminals are the only people awake at that time...and maybe drunk college students. but yeah, me..alone in the dark parking lot. we do have a police officer on hand overnite but was he outside? of course not. he was inside doing who knows what..but not protecting me thats for sure. but in the end, i did survive obviously. but anyways, it was pretty terrible. no one shops bw 3-6am so i felt my purpose at heb...well, i didnt really have one.

onto bigger and better things. everyone is coming back into town. i guess bc they have to go to class on monday. it hadnt really hit me yet that i wasnt going to be in that whole going-to-class process and probably wont for a couple of weeks. but i still feel like school isnt going to start for a while but i guess thats what happens when youre in classes anymore. but anyways, friends are coming back into town and its already getting back into the swing of hanging out nonstop with everyone and its great. during the summer i was kinda ready to move back to austin and start a working life there and it didnt even seem like such a bad thing, but with all my friends back and being able to hang out with them all the time...suddenly im not ready to leave and probably wont want to in dec. people keep telling me im staying till may and that im not going to leave and i keep telling them that yes, i really am getting out of here. i think by dec. i'll be real sick of everyone asking me what im still doing here if i already graduated. needless to say though, its going to be tough. honestly, the college scene is a whole lot more fun than the 'real world.' having all of your friends in a central location...being able to take random road trips whenever...freedom to do pretty much whatever you want...i dont want to grow up! college is fun...enjoy it while you can...even if that means stretching the experience into a 5, 6 year plan...

the guadalupe

so the phrase, 'floating down the river' has taken on whole new meanings since our trip yesterday. its not just a kick back, relaxing sunny float. let me just start at the beginning. first of all i'll say that it was ten times better than the may trip...maybe because the water wasnt 30 degrees. so, rielly, eileen, christian and i arrived in new braunfels - excited to float the river. our dear friend alison totally gave us the hookup at the place she worked at...and by totally i mean, it was completely free!! alison you are amazing - thanks so much again!!! so we were pretty excited especially bc we were going on a different part of the river than i had been on before and it was supposed to be better with more rapids and such.

speaking of rapids...yeah...so about five minutes into our 'float,' we came upon some rapids. well...i decided to take the 'near-death experience' route. i go down this one part and next thing i know im flipped outta my tube and being pulled down by the current i guess? well, whatever it was, it was real strong and kept me under for a while...i lost my tube and one of my chaco sandals...which are def. strapped on my feet but the water was so strong it pulled it off. so i reach the surface to my utter relief and am pretty much freaking out.

so then the search for my shoe starts. everyone coming over that same place is doing the exact same thing - flipping out and losing all possessions. there are guys with scuba gear hanging out looking for peoples stuff - we're thinking its like their day job. after about 15 minutes ive given up all hope of finding it and christians magic eyes spot it up on the bank...thank goodness for the scuba men!

so then we were able to continue on our ride...oh did i mention that the river had MILLIONS of people on it? yeah..it was insane. and it wasnt just people in tubes...an abnormally high number of people got the idea that renting a canoe or raft would be fun...so they were fun to maneuver around. so we went thru some other rapids and of course i flipped outta my tube..again. yeah, i dunno. so then this is the best part. we reached a part of the river where there was this big rock overhang and of course the same thing is going thru every boys mind - 'how can i get up there so that i can jump off?' well, it didnt take long to figure out that you could just climb thru the private property up to the top...shimmy down a part of the rock and be able to jump off the overhang into the river. so after rielly sees some guys do it successfully hes already climbing out of the river and goes and jumps off. so then us girls start thinking...'well, we could do that...' so we finally decide that we're just going to go up there and 'check it out.' so my heart is pounding as we're walking up to the top but im thinking...it cant be that bad right?? we get to the rock..shimmy ourselves down and riellys like, 'ya know, theres only one way down now.' so christian and i are like, cool...im terrifed..you? yeah. so i end up jumping first and its amazing how many things go thru your head while youre jumping..like...man, i wish i hadnt jumped..oh too late..oh, hold your breath. so the second im in the water i realize that something has gone terribly wrong bc my legs feel paralyzed. however, i realize they arent luckily and kinda doggy paddle over a rock to hang onto. what had happened was..while i was mid-air i decided it would be cool to land in a sitting position so that i wouldnt go into the water straight, but that my thighs would pretty much break my fall into the water. yeah, that is NOT smart. one day later, and the backs of my legs are just huge black and purple bruises. yeah, its real neat. sitting has suddenly become a challenge. plus, my whole upper body is sooo sore bc we decided we wanted to shorten the five and a half hour ride so we paddled a lot of the way. at least its a great workout!so all in all...this river trip was pretty intense...a lot more effort involved than past trips, but honestly, a lot more fun too. was it worth nearly losing my sandals and thinking i was dying? totally. do i regret jumping off a cliff and as a result having legs that look like someone took a baseball bat to them? absolutely not. if anything, it was a learning experience - jump in straight and always tighten your chacos. oh i love the river...lets go again...

pizza delivery driver

someone suggested to me that i try to get a job as a delivery driver for a pizza place. why was someone suggesting jobs to me? maybe because i went to heb to check my schedule and found out that they only scheduled me for two days...one of which was the ONE day i requested off for. thanks heb, thanks. thanks for scheduling me that one day and giving me a five day holiday - thats just awesome. yeah, so 12 hours wont cut it...i cant live on 12 hours. either some dumb kids need to email me soon and tell me they need tutoring, or i need to find another job. yeah, i hear trying to find a job in college station is real easy. cool. my future looks pretty bright. i remember my sophomore year when i took a semester off with the intent of working full time and they gave me like 2 hours then. but then of course when im in school and taking classes and doing stuff for youth impact, thats when they give me 30 hours. how ironic. how i hate them. and by 'them' i mean the evil forces associated with heb management. ok...off to brainstorm my dim future...if you have any suggestions..send them my way.

demoted

so ive given almost 6 years of my soul to HEB and what did i get to do today? push in baskets...during the flood. yeah it all started when i had my windows cracked in my car so i ran out to roll them up. i come back and my manager is like, 'since youre already kinda wet...would you mind helping mark push in baskets??' hmm...no. then she said that they would give me a dry shirt when i came in and that i could probably just go home early bc id be wet etc. so i realized that i really didnt have a choice in the matter so i just said 'fine' and went outside. it wasnt raining too bad at first. just when i was thinking that, it started monsooning. within about a minute i was soaked to my skin...and i was wading around the parking lot gathering baskets. i started to wonder if this was their way of demoting me. oh, then it started thundering...and then there was lightning. mark was like, 'hmm..pushing in metal baskets while lightning is touching down..i dont want to die at heb!' yeah...me either. then they made another guy help us out so luckily we finished faster. so then we all went into the store...leaving a trail of water wherever we went. everyone looked at us as though they had never been rained on before. my manager handed me an heb nightgown. it was that big...but hey, it was dry, right? so i changed into it but then i wondered where he got it bc it smelled like they had just asked a sweaty worker to take it off so they could give it to me. he promised me it was clean, but i think its still questionable. oh, remember how my manager had said that i would probably get to go home? lies...all lies. none of us got to go home. the poor guys just had to let their undershirts dry a bit and then put their workshirts over them. note that our pants and shoes are still all soaking wet. they had to put mats where we were standing bc we were leaving puddles if we stayed in one place for too long. i luckily got to go home the earliest outta us three. one guy wasnt supposed to get off till 7. it was one when we pushed in carts. 6 hours in wet clothes...thats pleasant. he'll probably get pneumonia and die. ok probably not, but what if? so that was my exciting day at heb. its just such an exciting job...maybe tomorrow theyll let me be the maintenance person..then ill really know im getting demoted...

dreams

dreams are weird things. evidently everyone has 3-4 on average a nite but most of the time i cant remember any of them. lately however i have had some bizarre dreams and maybe thats why i have remembered them. most of the time my dreams make absolutely no sense at all...people come from the middle of nowhere, one second im in one city and two seconds later im somewhere completely different but somewhoe it all makes sense when im dreaming it. i have new found friendships and enemies and good luck as well as misfortune. heres a synopsis of some of the more 'memorable' dreams ive had lately...

the first one was actually more of a nightmare bc not only was it extremely realistic, but i died as well. i was picking up mission kids out in bryan and it was at nite. christian was with me but for some reason we were on different streets so i was walking back to my car to go pick her up and ran into a group of about 7 people walking to their car as well which was parked right next to mine. we exchange some conversation and im kinda feeling uneasy about the situation but i get to my car and get in. i turn around in my seat only to realize that two guys have gotten into my back seat and then one of them like strangles me or something...i must have woken up around then but yeah, i think i died...so thats...neat. i thought maybe it was God's way of telling me to never abuse the rule of picking up mission kids without a boy? kinda brutal way of teaching me a lesson, but they say God works in mysterious ways...

my next dream wasnt as bad...i was driving on holleman and then suddenly everyone was slamming on their brakes and i rear-ended a big van. then however i was suddenly in city with crazy traffic and one way streets so we didnt pull over to assess the problem for like 10 minutes...we finally did and it was this weird family with like 15 kids that kept coming out of the van like it was a circus car. i remember telling christian to take pictures with her digital camera and the father of the family just kept yelling at me...

last nite i had a dream that i was on a road trip and i really wanted to go float the river. on the trip with me was like..5 black guys...and we were evidently all good friends though none of them were familiar to me. somehow we worked out plan for me to float down by myself in the middle of the nite and they would catch up with me in the morning...and this seemed like a really good idea to me. but then somehow i ended up at heb and had to buy slice and bake cookies first cuz thats normal and all. but then i was back on the river...and it started pouring so i went back to the car and one guy said he just wanted to go home. then another said, 'i say we just sleep on it bc i feel like God will bless us with a beautiful day tomorrow.' so then the first guy felt guilty for being so pessimistic. and i think i woke up about then.

so...my dreams...fun times huh? i know that theres dream interpretations and stuff like that but i just dont feel like mine are interpretable. theyre all really long and detailed too...i can remember what people are wearing and what they say word for word - its strange. and then in some, i die? thats just real unfortunate. i dont know if i like dreaming...

the infamous job search

my title would give you the impression that im actually involved in the process of finding a job, but dont be deceieved. im still at that pre-looking for a job stage but im at least considering it more lately. maybe because its august and i wasted away my whole summer without making any progress...yeah. my friend petie and i came up with a theory that finding a job is like running. for us, we dont like running...we hate running. you know you should run bc its supposedly one of the best overall body workouts for you however you will do whatever you can to not do it or talk yourself outta it. you dont even really enjoy it while youre doing it but at least its not as bad once you get started. then when youre done, although youre a sweaty mess, youre glad you did it. compare that to finding a job...its quite similar. so i think my problem is that i just cant get started. i feel like once i actually start then ill realize its not as bad as i fear. so with some help and advice from friends i have some goals and challenges ahead of me including putting together a resume...searching thru the classifieds etc. i think my biggest problem in all of this is that i really dont know what i want to do. really. nothing really stands out more than anything else to me right now. so ive been trying to think of things im either good at or really like to try and figure out a possible career. what i have so far is...i think i would like event planning..i like administrative type responsibilities...and i like puppies. so if you can think of something that woould encompass either one or all of those things, that would be awesome. i know the puppies thing really throws the thing off a little but whatever. ...in other news...im staying at peties and above her front door is a birdie nest and last nite my friend bryan came over and the bird decided to come in too. yeah that was quite an experience. having a freaked out bird flying frantically around the house is a stressful experience. seeing bryan jump around and try to catch the bird mid air while i was just yelling at the bird to go back outside...yeah try to picture that.

what else...its birthday season. i thought july was a big month for birthdays bc half my family was born in july it seems and a couple of my close friends. but then august came around and i realized that even more people were born then. so happy birthday morgan, kel, harm, patin, ruth, and christian.

ok well i gotta get ready for another exciting day at heb. my favorite question these days is, "didnt you graduate??" yeah...i think im going to start lying.

heat index 155

it seems like i was just thinking man, it hasnt been too hot this summer...then all of a sudden its like 110 degrees outside. neat. i love texas. at least it seemed to get a lot hotter after i had moved. speaking of moving...moving really bites. packing is horrible. cleaning is the all time worst part of it. thats pretty much what all of last week was for me. i complained that heb didnt schedule me from tuesday to saturday but in the end it was a blessing bc i was cleaning/packing/moving that entire time. it was so irritating throwing what seemed to be tons of stuff...we're talking like 10 trashbags full...and yet, still having so much crap to move. then...cleaning a years full of dust and dirt..wow. that was pretty gross. and once you start cleaning you start seeing other things that are dirty and it just never ends. i was privileged to do most of the cleaning myself but then my dear old roommate christian came to my rescue and helped me so much on saturday. another unfortunate situation is that i didnt even really get to move into my new house yet. im in between leases but me and my other roommates stuff is piled very strategically in the garage of our new house. so for a week i get to live with my friend petie. i dont know what i would do without her...i would be living out on the street i guess!! and we're having lots of fun - shes already broadened my horizons by taking me to farm patch and to a bungalow! shes even going to help me make a resume. sometimes i feel like other people care more about my future than i do - thats sad. its august and i need to start looking for job. remember when i said that in may? yeah...talk about procrastination...